Saturday, September 14, 2019

Comment Wall

"Saint Francis of Assisi Receiving the Stigmata" by
Salvador Maella, 1787. Source: Wikimedia

This will be the comment wall for my storybook on Saint Francis! Here is a link


  1. Hey Derek,

    Great introduction to your storybook. I had no idea what your storybook would be about based on the title, although very curious. As I was reading through your story, I think that it would be helpful to add backstory, as much as you can, since your stories will be recounting the Saints life. Maybe some explanation as to what wisdom or things the boy had heard about the Saint before he decided to follow the Saint, that we could compare to what actually happens. I really enjoyed the intense description about what the boy saw that night. It made me excited to see what encounters he has in your upcoming stories. Also, if there was some explanation as to how or why the Saint has the opportunity to meet with the holy ones, that would be interesting. There are so many routes you can take with this introduction, you could even give a different perspective from the Saint in one of your stories. Good job on your introduction!

  2. Hello Derek,
    This storybook seems very interesting. I had no idea who Saint Francis was previous to this storybook, I had heard the name but never heard of the stories. This introduction post seems to be a great lead into who this man is. From reading this introduction post I am very intrigued to learn how this man is connected to these holy figures. Also I really enjoyed this introduction post from the perspective of a young boy tagging along. This is a great concept for a storybook and I think you have set yourself up for a long interesting story!

  3. Hi Derek!

    I thought that your storybook introduction was really captivating and I like that you actually set up your story with it, rather than just doing an overview in general. You set up a really awesome cliff hanger and left me wondering what happened next, so I'm excited to read the rest of your stories! I also really like how you wrote it from the perspective of the boy, so we know his thoughts about everything and what he saw. I wonder how Saint Francis came to be one with nature like how you describe in the story? And why was the boy in the same place to follow Saint Francis in the first place? I feel like these questions are ones that you could easily answer in your upcoming stories, maybe even a prequel-sequel type thing. I also like the theme of your site page with the huge banner and scrolling details. I'm looking forward to reading the rest of your stories!

  4. Hi Derek!

    First of all, your home page illustration is beautiful, and after reading your introduction I feel like it really encapsulates what you want your stories to represent. Growing up with Catholic parents, I am very familiar with saints such as St. Francis of Assisi. I love how instead of telling these stories from the outside, you put yourself as a character within these stories. From this perspective, it seems like you really get in touch with the character, which makes him more human-like, and less like a distant miracle maker. Perhaps somewhere in this introduction, you could discuss the general themes of these visions you will encounter in each of these stories. Also, will the holies of figures that you mentioned be central parts or separations of these vision? I think some more structure to this part could help make a good transition and reference to where you first want to begin. I love this saint, and I am so excited to read your stories! Great work!

  5. Hey Derek!
    I really thrilled to read such a great introduction. You definitely have one of the most unique storyboooks out there. I think its great that you found something so specific because you can really focus in on it and make it the best it can be. I am not very familiar with the tales of St. Francis so I am intrigued to learn through your storybooks. The perspective you chose to use is also a great choice. The audience is probably used to hearing thousands of stories told from the perspective of a omniscient story-teller, so to hear from a character that was actually there is refreshing. The only advice I have would be to maybe give brief outline as to what the significance of each story is. For example, why you chose these specific tales from his great and interesting life. It is perfectly acceptable if there is no significance. Good luck with the rest of the semester!

  6. Hey Derek! I had the opportunity to read your story today. I think it's really great so far! Your idea to recount the important events in the life of Saint Francis through the eyes of a younger boy is very unique and interesting. First, I think the layout of your project is very well done. It looks very nice, and works well with the story. The illustrations you included were great as well, so good job on finding those! Next, your writing is awesome. I feel like I can really hear the voice of the young boy. Some of the words you chose made your writing sound very sophisticated and like it would be spoken by a religious leader, so it fits really well with your story. I can't help but wonder why Saint Francis is meeting with these holy figures now, and why they're reminiscing on the great events of his life. He's not going to die at the end, is he? I'm interested to read more of your stories, so keep up the good work!

  7. Derek,

    I was so impressed by the design of your storybook! I revisited your page because I was captivated by your writing in the past and wanted to see what you have been working on. I love how you formatted the page to have a full photo, but with a smaller font. The contrast makes both of the elements pop!

    The pictures on the side is not something I have seen in other storybooks yet. I think this was very innovative because it allows a visual while reading the story!

    One comment I would have would be to add a small attention grabber underneath the title of the story. I think a simple phrase would be cool to give your readers a glimpse at what they are about to read since the picture/title take up the entire page initially.

    Lastly, I love how you formatted the bottom of your cover page. It is clean, and unlike many other storybooks including my own!

    This storybook was really so fun to explore, and I can't wait to come back to see how you grow throughout the end of the semester! Amazing work so far.

  8. Hi Derek,
    I like the way that you formatted the link to your comment wall. I haven't seen any others like it.
    I also really like the layout of your site. The images in the margin of the story is a great way to prevent the image from breaking up the flow of the story, as well as keeping it in an obvious place.
    Your author's notes are very informative and thorough. I appreciate them especially because I have never even heard of most of the characters or even Saint Francis.
    I can't come up with many suggestions to help you, the only thing I can say is that a few of the transition scenes are worded a little weird, mostly in the last story. I think that the sentences that mark the shift in between the visions should be reworked a bit.
    This idea is really unique and I like reading in the first person, I haven't attempted to write in it yet, I look forward to reading more!

  9. Hello Derek,
    I have to say I like the structure and images used in your storybook. I feel like they fit quite well with the stories and central theme you were going for. I also liked your introduction. You gave enough information for the reader to get a sense of what the stories will be about without outright telling it all. I enjoyed all of the stories that you wrote. I like how you incorporated visions and in each of the visions Francis does something else that is shocking. I couldn’t for the life of me understand how he calmed a wolf and had him follow him back into the city. It almost seemed as though he attributed a soul to the animal. In your story it says the wolf repented. Why would a wolf need to repent since it follows its animal nature? I found that story quite compelling! I also liked how he cast out the Demon in the next story. I wonder where you get such ideas for stories. Good job!

  10. Hey Derek!
    Wow Law School! That takes so much hard work and dedication, I wish you the absolute best of luck. Good Will hunting is my favorite movie too. I have been going to Antioch church on Lindsey this semester and was introduced to enneagram types too. I'm excited to see your work this semester and wish you the absolute best of luck!

  11. Hi Derek,

    Your storybook is looking great! I’m enjoying the stories about St. Francis, and I think it’s a great cohesive theme to build a book around.

    In your second story, “The Saint and the Wolf,” there were a few phrases that seemed off to me that you might want to look at again. First, “their eyes at peace” in the third paragraph is a rather strange formulation; maybe “their eyes dull” or “their eyes calm” would be better? In the fifth paragraph, you need a comma before “Francis declared to the wolf.” Finally, the first two sentences of the first paragraph are a little ambiguous to me; the double use of “vision” and “watched” is a bit awkward as well.

    I particularly liked the photos and images you chose for your storybook; they don’t have that same “stock image” feel you sometimes see in (all of our) class content.


  12. Hey Derek!

    I read your introduction into your storybook and I really liked it. I think it set up the premise of the story perfectly, and it made me want to read more. I don't know anything about Saint Francis, so you have the opportunity to teach a lot of people about something they might not know about. You also have the opportunity to embellish a little bit, since no one will be able to fact check you! You are doing really well, and I can't wait to read more. Good Luck!

  13. Hey Derek,
    I just read your story, “Francis Heals a Leper” and I was very impressed by it. Not only did you show a lesson in what it means to be empathetic to our fellow humans, but you framed it in a way that made perfect sense to someone like Francis. What makes someone a Saint? It’s actions like these that help others realize what they can do to be better people. I’m not completely sure, but didn’t Jesus at some point in the Bible do the same thing with lepers/prostitutes feet? Showing that no one is completely sin-free, that we as humans have the need to help others be clean themselves. Overall I liked the descriptive words throughout the story, especially when it came to the compassion/hope that the speaker felt when watching Francis clean the leper. No one is immune from feeling alone, so this story is especially prevalent in today’s society. Overall, great work!

  14. Hey there Derek! I just had the chance to take a look at your storybook for this semester and I absolutely loved it! I thought about doing a storybook about Saints as well, but decided to go a different route. Therefore, I was really excited to see how you decided to approach the project with this topic. Starting with the layout, I thought you did great in making the project easily readable, and the images you chose flow really well. I love that you put the Peace Prayer as the permanent footer for your project too. Your stories were really well written, and you can almost feel the passion dripping off of the words you wrote. Your author's notes were very helpful as well, and I was happy to see how you were able to change things up, while keeping the overall lessons and meanings true to the originals. Great job!